Movie review - Thaai kizhavi (2026) / The GodMother?

 The year is 2026 - 5 years since my last blog post. I've had other avenues for expression, but blogging is definitely more personal.. my own space in the huge cyber-world.

Going through difficult times. Unbelievably stupid and difficult. My own doing. 'Putting-saniyan-in-baniyan' types. Or in Gautam Menon's style - 'one-way ticket' to hell instead of mere heartbreak city (yes, heartbreaks are minor in comparison to the current soup). 

Despite this, I ended up watching a movie twice in theatres. I felt connected MOST of the times. I won't lie, I did zone out in between. But that's not surprising - my body is actually zooming through several parallel universes - like warping through a wormhole. Or skidding at the edge of a gargantuan blackhole. 

Will try to list in bulletpoints about the movie experience. Spoilers may be there ahead. But movie would be enjoyable even if you read these before watching. That's how good the movie is. 

• If you loved Radhika in Jeans movie, you'd ADORE her in Thaai kizhavi. Madamoiselle's best - she's the icing at the top of the cake... no, she's the entire cake! And it's a cakewalk for the veteran. I wish I could watch the behind-the-scene prepping for this role. May be she mimicked an actual old lady from a village? Whatever, low bow to her for bringing Pounuthaayi into existence! 
• Movie is the director's debut?! He's not going to have an easy way ahead - I'm going to look forward to only blockbusters from him. Thanks for setting expectations sky high! And thanks to the producer, Sivakarthikeyan for bringing such talents to the limelight. 
• The bgm by Nivas K Prasanna was apt to the T. Several goosebump moments, milked more than their due with heart-wrenching or gut-wrenching music bits! They've used a lot of hit songs from other movies as per the situation - the magic works- they all come together in a fashion that you are at the edge of your seat (unless you've booked the recliner seat :P !). 
• Growing up with Tamil movies, you are always used to seeing a male hero in the lead. Even in 'female-centric' movies, there's a popular hero in guest appearance at the least. Here, after introducing Radhika, she quickly goes into inaction and other actors carry the film through on their shoulders. You are left expecting some hero face to crop up on the scene - of course, it never happens. When Radhika returns to action, it's all smiles. We are all the happies! 
• Some more directorial brainwaves - naming a character 'Benny Quick', the fevicol flower shop, the karuppasaami lightning moment, Kangaroo adigalar, only-kamal-songs-village-DJ, thooriga-boy, the old man in the photo poses, the 3 daughter-in-laws' character sketch, how the saree-draping style varies from one character to another, the sign language fun. 
• Loved the confidence and how the lead actor simply DOMINATED the screen whenever she appeared. Her arguments on why financial independence is so important for women. Yes, she said it. You can't shut it up now...Let it PIERCE your heart! 

Will keep adding more points as I remember. Publishing this for now :P 

Going beyond empathy in designing solutions?

(Image source)

Thanks to design thinking, the word 'empathy' is 'mainstreamed' now and doesn't sound cliched anymore. But empathy is more about 𝐦𝐲 understanding of the 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. Is it possible to fully understand another person's reality? In disability awareness and sensitisation workshops, we try out simulation activities for different kinds of disabilities. Blindfolding to understand visual impairment, ear plugs to understand hearing impairment, using wheelchair to understand accessibility barriers in the environment and so on. We barely scratch the surface of understanding the lived experience of a person with disability. Still, we plough ahead and design a solution, based on our understanding. It's bound to fail, obviously. What next?

ITERATE! 

It requires some active mindset to accept failure and even more energy to examine the reasons for the failure and repeat the cycle. Working in the field of disabilities and assistive technology, we come across a lot of bad prototypes and so many incomplete projects. Barely few iterate. May be it's time to modify the design thinking terminologies and humanize the steps after 'empathize' as well. It really requires an act of compassion to go beyond and stick to the cycle. 

Now, don't roll your eyes at 'compassion'. It's only a matter of a few research papers in product designing and some workshops by industry experts. Academia will follow soon and 'compassion' will become part of the 'mainstream', scientific/engineering lingo too, just like 'empathy'. 

Revisiting kids literature

N and I look forward to our 'reading time' everyday. For N, reading means listening and watching me bring alive to her another world filled with her favorite characters. To me, it means spending quality time with her, reliving my childhood memories and seeing these books in a new perspective - as a parent. I have consciously instilled the 'Enid Blyton' bias in N. It's a positive feedback loop I tell these stories to her with more vigour, she feeds off it and responds with equal or more energy. 

We started off with Eric Carle, Julia Donaldson and moved on to Roald Dahl and Enid Blyton, as N's capacity to understand and remember complex plot-lines grew. These books are a worthwhile investment (Eric Carle and JD are quite expensive). They are colourful, inspire imagination, build language and promote values like sharing and inclusion. From the start, I have been looking, with less success, for similar books in Tamil or Malayalam. I have to read and translate English books for N to comprehend. I want equivalent books in our regional language for N's grandparents to read to her too. Currently, they tell her Hindu mythological stories - I have come to see this as a 'can of worms'. I do understand that this is part of our culture and I grew up with these stories (and loved them) too. But now I see the 'Amar Chithra Katha' tales as reeking of violence, patriarchy, 'might is right', unreal black-and-white characterisation. 

I cannot shield my kids forever. This gives me an opportunity to make them aware of these 'forces' in our culture and build their 'self-advocacy skills' to resist it. So I let N listen to these stories and then we have long 'book review' discussions where we compare actual kids' literature with these similarly labelled, harmful books. I go into these discussions hesitatingly, worried if this is too much information for a 4-year old to handle. But I have never been disappointed by N's poise and aplomb to take it all in, weigh it in her head and arrive at her own conclusions. 

Coming back to Enid Blyton... I see my favorite childhood author in a different light now. All her stories reinforce, 'girls sew and clean up while boys 'take care' of them'. Bursts my bubble 😔. We do continue reading the Blyton books, but I filter out this biased content. The books are still filled with fun, food and adventures that N and I love. I'm waiting for N to grow up and read these books on her own and wonder why her amma presented these stories to her differently. 🤔

I am looking forward to buying works of குழந்தைக் கவிஞர் அழ. வள்ளியப்பா (Kids' poet, Azha Valliappa), trying some Tamil books from Tulika and printing some Tamil/Malayalam stories off https://storyweaver.org.in/ . 

Quest for a healthy pasta dish

'Cooking for a picky kid' - it's a tongue-twister and a brain-teaser 😉. Here is how I made a healthy version of N's favourite pasta from scratch, using ingredients usually found in a south Indian home.

1. Pasta dough

This can be made using any of the following flours or combinations. 

• Maida/refined/all-purpose flour - if you are looking for a chewy, tasty, generally likeable pasta version, increase the maida ratio or even go all-out with 100% maida.
• Wholewheat flour/godhumai maavu - if you are a health freak or if you are dealing with maida allergy (I suspect N has it) or if you just like the nutty, wholesome flavor like me. 
• Semolina/rava + Chickpea flour/kadalai maavu combo - I have seen many recipes using this but when I tried, it didn't work out so well for me. The rava flour has to be finely ground for this to succeed.
• Oat flour - I love oats. I'm yet to try making pasta with this. 

My best try so far has been the 80% wholewheat + 20% maida (refined/all-purpose flour) combination. It is both healthy and gives enough elasticity to the dough. 

For example, for one serving, I add 4 tbsp/quarter cup/56g of wholewheat flour and 1 tbsp of maida. 

    2. Pasta shape

I am always looking for new ways to present food to excite N into eating a few mouthfuls more 😅. Here are a few video links and GIFs (trimmed from the video for your convenience 💁) demonstrating how to make different pasta shapes. 

Fettucine 

No-name/I call it 'conch' shape 

Farfalle 

Fusilli 

Spaghetti

• For later use - You could air dry the pasta shapes and store it at 4 degree C in an airtight container. (I haven't tried this yet).
• For immediate use - After shaping the pasta, lubricate it with a few tsp of oil so that the individual pieces don't stick to each other. Boil two cups of water. Add a couple of pinches of salt and a tbsp of oil. Put the pasta in the boiling water for a few minutes, test it for al dente and drain it using a sieve. Your pasta is now ready to be mixed with the sauce.

3. White sauce

N loves white sauce. 

• Quick version - Gently heat a tbsp of butter+some milk (depends on how thick you want the sauce to be)+some shredded cheese+ a pinch of salt (add it towards the end to avoid milk curdling). Toss your pasta in it and serve.
• Longer and tastier version
• Prepare a cup of chicken stock by following this easy recipe.  If you are a vegetarian, may be you could replace this with vegetable stock instead.
• If you love the garlicky flavour, chuck in some finely chopped garlic. 
• Add a tbsp of cream cheese (made using this recipe, it's used in various dishes).
• Add a tbsp of corn flour (after dissolving it in some water to avoid forming clumps).
• Add your favourite veggies like peas, carrot etc. 
• When the sauce is at your preferred consistency, toss in the pasta. 

Food photo created by stockking - www.freepik.com

Pre-loved and re-loved

Proud and prized joint-family heirlooms 

Rusty toy tricycle 

Cracked wooden duck rocker 

Faded pink pattu pavaadai (silk skirt) 

Partially unbeaded necklace 

Passed down from Cousins C to V to So to me to Si to Ja 

- a chain never to be broken. 

Wait with bated breath for the older cousin to outgrow  

For the next little heir to take joyful ownership. 

Reuse - a normal way of life. 

Blissfully ignorant about 'style obsolescence' 

Not sucked into consumerism.

One week, many stories

Dec 10 - 14, 2018 : CIID workshop on 'Design for Inclusion'

Story 1: Serene Bolgatty

The venue was Bolgatty palace in Kochi. Very scenic, peaceful and perfect for brainstorming.






















This is a photo captured by our instructor, Jimmy, when Sajith and I were surfing the net and checking out Ashwasa Bhavan for our field visit. This spot was just outside our classroom but we never opened the door on this side. I stumbled upon it only on the third day when exploring the ground around.

(Sajith is an alumni of NISH from years back and is now doing very well in a corporate. He is Deaf (with capital D. Refer Deaf culture), also owning a startup along with his wife, which is focused on education for the Deaf. )

Story 2: Of theory and practicals

Before the workshop, I was very curious to find out what I would learn there. An international course on inclusion, right here in India is a rarity and literally, a treat for a disability professional. However, I must say, that I was disappointed at the workshop. It was not challenging. I mean, isn't it just common sense : research the problem from all perspectives, brainstorm for all kinds of ideas, prototype and then implement. The theory is that simple. Doing it in real, with all the constraints of practicality, is what makes it challenging. At NISH, we are already dealing with several tight constraints when designing solutions for persons with disability and working together as a team (AT, SLP, OT, PT etc). So the activities in the workshop were boring. Also, after having recently been through a much more intensive course in Fab academy, this seemed very light.




Story 3: Sister Fabiola and Ashwasa Bhavan

Read her interview and story here. I will just say that the first things I saw in Ashwasa Bhavan and felt when I talked to her - were all genuine and heartwarming. The kids in AB are lucky to have her. I hope she would come to NISH some time soon to seek professional help for the 3-year old with Cerebral Palsy in her home.

Story 4: Working my way around unreasonable circumstances

The team discussion was not logical - after our field visit, when we sat down to brainstorm and choose the area of intervention. I tried to reason with myself and decided to go with the flow. Anyways, one week is too less a time to do anything worthwhile. Here the focus was too much on competing with the other teams (!!??) and putting up an impressive show in the final presentation. What can beat talking about a taboo'd topic in front of an audience to create a sensation? Anything less would be boring, even if it is a priority need for the institute that graciously opened its doors for us to conduct our study. It was irritating to find that almost all the teams blamed the caretakers of the various institutes that they visited for the problems the inmates were facing. One team actually showed the photo of each warden and did a character analysis in depth. It was nauseating to me. To me, the caretakers were people doing their best to patch the big, gaping holes of injustice in the society. If we cannot contribute to this, let's at-least not highlight their drawbacks and kill their spirit.

I feel good that I kept my balance (exceeding my own expectations!) and contributed wholeheartedly towards whatever we decided as a team (Of course, Sajith's positive presence and our funny, 'secret' (in full view of others) conversations in sign language helped tremendously ;) :D ).

Story 5: Let's break the taboo!

We put together this miniature 'Girls' corner'. It would, supposedly, encourage the discussion on the tabooed topic of menstruation and thus solve the problems related to that in the home. I didn't think much of the idea. I was just glad that I could show off my designing skills ;), making the 'Period tracker' at the laser-cutter machine.






















Story 6: Misfit by choice

Random social conversations get difficult when the person on the other end fails to understand what it means to be a disability or rehab professional. Outside of NISH, this happens to me all the time. The dialogue tends to trail off awkwardly and I feel sorry for the other person, trying to find an escape route to a more 'relatable' place. Working with people with disability? I must be from another planet. The stigma that persons with disability face in the conservative section of the society tends to rub off on people associated closely with them as well. Quick judgements range from labelling me as a benevolent human being from the heaven serving the needy or an ignoramus who couldn't find a job elsewhere or just plain weird. Fortunately, I'm none of the above. I try to be a professional, following the code of ethics that my job lays down. I agree that my job does require a lot of innate empathy and understanding towards our clients, who are people with special needs. But this is natural. I'm now a 31-year-old like any other but why do I feel (or made to feel?) like a misfit in any social gathering? I have come to terms with this anyways after a lot of times of getting my ego bruised.

At this workshop, I was thankful to have Sajith around. His thoughts on inclusion made more sense to me than what others shared about their (petty) difficulties. After all, he faces exclusion from the majoritarian 'hearing' society. Who else can talk better about it at a workshop on 'Design for inclusion'? Since the interpreter-trainees at NISH had their exams last week, there was none to help Sajith out at this workshop. I had to step up and do the best with my novice signing skills. Actually, it was the other way round. Sajith was doing his best to decipher my signing - he became such an adept at it, that towards the end of the workshop, he would guess what I was going to say, halfway through the sentence. It was as if he was reading my mind. He is very sharp and had such great ideas - meeting and getting to know him was the best part of attending this workshop for me. The other one being the visit to Ashwasa Bhavan and talking to Sister Fabiola. Thanks to CIID for that.

Story 7 : Branding and costs

The cost of the workshop is on the higher side. Sajith and I were sponsored by KSUM, otherwise we won't have made it. It seemed to me that a lot of care and efforts were taken for branding, taking photos, collecting feedback and in general, repeatedly telling each other what a great workshop and experience this is. I was waiting for it to get over and get back to my more interesting life at NISH.

Train of thought - Inclusion

Working at NISH feels like I'm in another world. Where people with diverse abilities are respected and cared for. Although there, we often talk about 'mainstreaming' people with disabilities - which is often a conflict in my head. If we want to 'mainstream' them, we want to change them - that means, we are not accepting them as they are. Then, are we respecting them in the truest sense? Such idle and idealistic thoughts shrank in my head when I mothered a girl. Yanked back to the real world with the pain of healing scars, sleepless nights and anxieties riddled around caring for a newborn and dreaming of her safe and happy future. What would I want for her? Acceptance for whatever she is, of course. But I would not risk that as an expectation out of fantastic ideals. I understood what powered the mothers walking every day to NISH with their wards, sitting through the therapy sessions, picking whatever techniques they could and following up diligently at home.

What triggered this blog today? An article in DC, borrowed from the Spectator and its predecessor. Perspectives from societies which are much ahead of us in terms of inclusion and human rights always make interesting reads.
(In India, Kerala leads in human rights. In Kerala, I work at NISH which is higher up on inclusion and human rights. Being from TN and having spent some years in Singapore, this train of thought and comparisons in my head is quite crowded and chaotic).

The older article talks about political correctness and how the author values it, as a father of a child with autism. I could relate to it, being someone who completely hated the 'politically correct to the power of infinity' atmosphere in Sg... being someone from a small-town in central TN with its heat, rawness, loudness, blatancy, from the opposite end of the 'politically correct' spectrum. Someone who hated the plastic smiles and empty civilities. A brief stay at Boston, where I learnt to be alone and tough and also made some lasting friendships with people from different parts of the world- further reinforced the disbelief in 'political correctness'. My younger self's motto was : 'being raw, open and true is the way to greatness'. Or, is it, always? (What did I mean by 'greatness', by the way?) This is like the conflict between being young and loving 'Hobbit'/'LOTR' and getting older, wiser and relating more to 'Game of Thrones'. Get down to the field. Work at the grassroots. Face the complexities of how the world actually works day by day. You will understand what Simon Barnes is talking about.

Today's article by Ross Clark is also relevant to us, living in a chaotic time (and place) of majority-minority interaction. When we fear each other, whither inclusion? Some excerpts : 'focus on rewarding good behaviour, not inducing punishment for bad behaviour' ;
'Our society has undergone a fantastic transformation in attitudes, but it wasn't brought about by hovering lawyers. They might, on the other hand, succeed in partially reversing it'.